It’s been so long since I have even been to the site, I am beginning to wonder if I did fall off the face of the earth. I have always been a journal type person, but I tend to lose consistancy with my journalling at times. I guess blogging really is like journalling. Oh well, if no one reads this, I am just glad I did not totally give up on it.

 And, doing this right now, reminds me of other things in my life that have been neglected of late….that I need to get back to. Well, I decided, at the beginning of the year, that I was going to give up on “New Year’s Resolutions”. I have always felt that people make those resolutions almost expecting to fail and quit and give up on them. Instead, of making resolutions at the beginning of the year each, resolutions that almost imply total failure, I decided I would make “Life Resolutions”. These resolutions can be made at any time of the year. They don’t come with the idea of turning over a new leaf at the beginning of the year……a leaf that, after a few weeks or months, I have found from personal experience, as well as just observing people, always seems to turn right back to where it originally was. Failure in a “Life Resolution” is not expected, per se, but it is not the end of everything when it happens either. Failure in a “Life Resolution” just means…..”Ok let’s reassess”. Basically, it means looking at the situation and seeing what may need to be changed or approached differently or whatever. But, failure, in a “Life Resolution” really means you are one step closer to success! You always hear stories of some amazingly wealthy and/or successful person who failed time after time after time after time. But, that one last try was just what was needed. Well, that is how I look at “Life Resolutions”.

 It’s a good thing I look at them that way…….If I did not, I would have went and hid in my closet for the rest of my life about a week or two into 2008. After all, attacking procrastination and avoidance was one of my resolutions that I made. Well, February 23, 2008 is my first day of doing that….By coming back to this blog. I pray for the focus and commitment and persistence and determination to continue.

God bless you all (anyone who reads this post and anyone who doesn’t)

Just as an FYI, I am exhausted but I can’t go to bed quite yet. The washing machine is running and I decided to post while I listen for it trying to escape. It didn’t try to get away the last time I ran it and I think it is trying to trick me into thinking it’s decided to give up. So, in my exhaustion, while I wait, I am going to try to post something that makes sense.

I was just at Bible study and we discussed Old Testament people like Daniel and Shadrach and Meshach and Abendago (sp?). They faced life and death situations, like being cooked alive, and trusted God to take care of them, as God saw fit. All they could do was trust God. They had nowhere else to turn for help. They did not think they could change their circumstances, they trusted God.

Today, when facing challenges, sometimes insurmountable, we have so many places to turn for help. We can completely disregard God and take care of things ourselves (or, think we took care of it ourselves).

I realized, while we were discussing Daniel and the others, that I can, and do, say I trust God……But, so often, maybe the majority of the time, I am still trying to change the circumstances. (or maybe trying to figure out how to change the circumstances).

I trusted God when I lost my job and while I waited to be hired at the Police Dept. I knew there was nothing else I could do. I could not change the circumstances or being hired. I had to trust God and just do what I needed to do when it needed to be done. (for example, apply for the job).

But, I realized, with my house and cleaning, with my social life and singleness, with my health and searching for drs to fix me, I am trying to change the circumstances. I tend to forget to pray for these issues and to let God know that I would like resolution that be God’s will.

I would love to continue but I can’t think straight. If anyone has any questions or comments or points, they are welcome. And, my thoughts and comments here may need some fine tuning since I am so tired. Whatever, anyone has to say is more than welcome and if someone can help me fine tune my thoughts I would appreciate it.

God bless and good night

I have sort been hiding, in plain sight, since most of y’all see me at church or around anyway.

And, Stephen, GUESS WHAT?! CONGRATULATIONS! I FAILED! I failed at my first attempt to bring some order into the “mess” in my life…………Yes, I am STILL a recovering slob. I did get some stuff done in the kitchen tonight while I was waiting for the battle to begin with the washing machine. I was prepared to risk life and limb to keep it from escaping, as it keeps banging away. I have decided it may be banging as it stops running water or something like that. But, I will continue to stick around prepared for battle when I run a load of wash. Besides, it prompts me to actually get up and start getting something done.

And, I have a lot to get done. The dr has told me I really need to lose weight. My weight, and lack of exercise, are probably not helping my cellulitis. And there is a lot of change coming up…….y’all know what I am referring to. Change has always been a four letter word to me and I am working on changing my outlook on that. I also want to keep in touch with God about it so my world doesn’t get rocked off into capsizing as it has in the past.

I did just see a good movie called Bella. It’s about a girl who is single and pregnant and planning on abortion. There were a few profound statements made in the movie. It started with a narrator saying “You wanna make God laugh? Tell Him your plans.” That hit me as really funny and very true. We can plan all we want. However, usually God does not have the same plans we do. And, it probably does amuse Him that we waste all this time planning things and then He changes our plans. I thought about it and how that has happened in my life and I laughed too.

The girl, planning on having the abortion, was discussing different things with this guy she had worked with in a restaurant. She had just been fired and he had walked out for the day. (It was his brother’s restaurant) He told her not to worry about things. She told him she used to worry a lot. But she said she had researched worry and in her research found that 10 out of 10 people die. I had to laugh about that. Basically, why waste time worrying, we’re all gonna die anyway. (I don’t mean we’re gonna die in a negative way. I mean it to point out what a waste worry is. And that is a HUGE point for me).  So, can we all agree to stop worrying? I know…….Easier said than done. Well, I am gonna take it to God myself. But, it is a point well taken.

There was one other statement that hit me profoundly. It was on a piece of cardboard that a blind guy had with him where he was selling things on the street. The sign said “God closed my eyes, Now I can see.” I don’t want to go blind to “see”. But, I think that sign is telling us that we don’t “see” and we need to open our eyes and “see” God’s world. Really see it………

Anyway, God bless and good night.

I feel like I have not been here in AGES. And, I am sorry. My accountability has been a little slack and besides, it is actually fun to post things (sometimes).

Anyway, last week I had to have an inspection at my house for heat, air, and plumbing. Now the washing machine is leaking…….Life happens. Anyone know how to turn off the water to the washing machine? The plumber will be back on Monday, hopefully before noon, so I can get to work.

I was pleasantly surprised to get a raise yesterday. I had heard people were getting a raise, based on their hire date. I thought I did not qualify. But, there was a note with my paycheck and I was excited to see I did qualify. It’s only 2% (not much as my brother reminded me) but I was still pleased. My brother also sort of squelched my excitement by telling me large companies and the government tend to give raises across the board once a year. Helps them track it more easily than doing it by anniversary. Anyone wanna buy a very realistic and annoying brother (I keep my nephews)? Oh well, Life happens. I am still excited about the raise (every little bit helps…………besides, my first thought was I can give more to the church).

I am WAY behind on my list. Not beating myself up, just being honest. Life happens. Time to get back in the swing of things.

I have realized, as far as cleaning my house is concerned, I have been a TERRIBLE friend. I am depriving all of y’all of the opportunity to experience tremendous adventure, joy, and excitement. I have been hogging all the fun and all the kudos. I invite any and all of you to participate in this experience. Please just let me know and I will be sad but willing, to turn the rags and cleaning stuff over to you.  You HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE MISSING!

OH! And the sargeant, whose paper on ethics (The Ring of Gyges) I proof read, apparently has some really good news for me. That was the week before last and I have not had the opportunity to find out what the news is. My co-worker told me that the sargeant told her this. The sargeant would not tell my co-worker what she wanted to tell me, but my co-worker thinks that the sargeant did really well on the paper (possibly aced it).

Let me know if you want to share the adventure of cleaning my house with me.

God bless all

I am sitting here smiling listening to the RAIN! What a novel concept! I almost forgot what rain and thunder sound like. I would love for several days of steady, continous, solid rain. But at this point, I will take what I can get (what we can get).

Just a little FYI: Ice cream is dangerous. Not only is it fattening but it is bad for your teeth. I once completely lost a tooth in my soft ice cream and tonight guess what I found in my ice cream………….Part of my tooth! So, I will be paying a visit to Peter Murchie, hopefully tomorrow. He said he takes new patients………..I hope he is ready for me! I tend to talk throughout my dental appts. (while teeth are being pulled, while i am getting crowns, while they are doing fillings, etc) Part of the reason I can not shut up during a dr/dental appt is bc drs terrify me. I do it to relieve stress. Besides, I can talk non stop anyway!

Which brings me to stress……………It was recently pointed out that books, movies, music, etc, are no more Christian or secular than what we make them. We label them that way and that tends to give (these) things some power in our lives (or this is what i have found recently). Well, I was thinking about it tonight, before I broke my tooth, if things like books, movies, and music have power in our lives because we give them that power, couldn’t the same be said for fear and stress? Or, at least, to a degree. I mean since you and I don’t have the same fears and stressors then doesn’t it make sense that they really, in and of themselves, have no power? I am afraid of Drs because something happened in my life that gave me cause to think they were mean or wanted to hurt me or whatever. And, somehow, that fear grew in me until I allowed it to terrorize me and control my experiences with people in the medical field. I could be wrong but it really makes sense to me. The same could be said for my stressors. My stressors are there because something happened to cause that stress in my life in the first place. Whatever happened caused a negative reaction and so, when that (type of) event occurs in my life again, it causes me to stress again.

If this theory is valid, why do I still procrastinate so much? Why am I still a recovering slob? Etc? Etc? Etc?

And, speaking of procrastination, I have gotten very little done in the last week or so. I did get my HVAC inspection and plumbing inspection scheduled……………SO, I have to get something done in my house this weekend! Pray for my productivity please.

Also pray for Peter Murchie. He has no idea what is coming when I get to his office!

God bless

And pass the word to pray to anyone you might know…..Spread the word about this. I don’t know if y’all have heard or not, but there is a “MIDDLE SCHOOL” in Maine that has approved, by a 7 to 2 vote, to dispense contraceptives to MIDDLE SCHOOL girls (these are girls who are between 11-14 years of age). And this will be done WITHOUT PARENTAL CONSENT OR KNOWLEDGE. They will not tell the parents if the health center gives their daughter contraceptives! I do not care if it has been proven that authorizing condomns or contraceptives do not increase sexual activity…………THESE ARE CHILDREN and authorizing contraceptives basically tells these children that sexual activity is ok,  whether they actually have sex or not. Condomns have been distributed in the school (local schools?) for a few years. The only thing that might prevent these children from accessing the contraceptives is that they have to have parental consent to use the health center in the first place. I would pull my daughter in a heartbeat if I was one of those parents. (There seems to be strong parental anger at and disagreement with this vote). If nothing else, I would not allow my daughter to use the school’s health center.

Please pass the word about this and please pray against it.

God bless

I have no idea if anyone has been reading my blog or not, more than once. And, if people haven’t, I know it’s partially bc all I was doing was making lists of things I needed to do. Then I went into “open mouth insert foot” mode with a post last week. That post was not what I meant. It was published too quickly and I apologize if anyone read it and was offended. I decided to delete it (sorry Stephen). I have been dealing with a bunch of things lately and have gone into avoidance mode. And, part of the reason (I hate making excuses) I have avoided the blog was bc my “open mouth insert foot” post had me so upset. But, I am trying to think of topics for discussion in the future. And, I do hope people will read my blog again. And, I WILL BE BACK tomorrow. Time to get out of avoidance mode, here in the blog and in my life.

God bless

(i may have spelled that wrong) Today one of the sargeants at the police dept had me proofread her paper. She is taking an ethics class. The paper was based on a story from Plato’s Republic called the Ring of Gyges. The short version of the story is that it is a story comparable to the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings. (leaving out major details that were not in her paper) This guy apparently finds a ring on the finger of a slain horseman. When he takes the ring, he finds that it gives him the powers of invisibility. The idea of her paper was to say what Aristotle, Kant, and John Mills would do with the ring. And also to say what she would do with it. According to her paper, Aristotle disposed of it, Kant destroyed it, and John Mills used it for good purposes. She said she would use it but could not say that she would have such benevolent purposes in mind. She believes she would cave to temptation and use it to pursue personal gains.

My question is what would “you” do with that ring? I like to think, since I am a Christian, I would destroy the ring and thus rid myself of temptation and prevent future moral dilemma for others. But, when “the rubber hits the road” would I really destroy it? Would I seek to get rid of it as quickly and easily as possibly, just disposing of it? Or, for whatever reason, would I use the ring? If I used it, I would like to think I would use it to benefit others. Not for personal gain. But, while thinking about this, it did occur to me, Christ did not use a ring of invisibility to strengthen or further His mission. So, I can not say, I would use it for Christian purposes. And, what if for some reason, I was forced to use it, or blackmailed into using it? Could I resist the blackmail or would I cave?

I can honestly say, there is nothing I can think of that, right now, would make me long for such a ring for personal gain. Or any other use. I just pray that if I possessed an item like that, that my motives would remain clean and Christian. I pray that I would consider what Christ would do with it and get rid of it somehow.

Anyone else……………….?

As far as my accountability this week……………..It has not been that great since Monday. The city does not want us blogging from work, which is fine. I have no problem with that, but I found myself falling into lack of follow through or motivation or whatever because I was not posting. So, I will get back to making more of an effort to post what I am doing, daily, as well as other thoughts and whatever. I have gotten a few things done but, at the moment, I plan on working hard this weekend. Oh well.

Good night and God bless all

Now what my foot! I finished the project for the Chief (sooner than I thought I would). I will e-mail and let the captain know in the morning. (I was wrong, she’s not a major). And, since I am done with it, I have the overwhelming urge to say “Now What?” Well to answer that, all I have to do is look at my list…..it is QUITE LONG! Tonight I need to go to the store. Among other things, I need to get stamps and garbage bags (I was supposed to get those last week). Besides the store:

1) At least one load of laundry (I want to put clean sheets on my bed)

2) Put away the laundry after it is dryed (that’s where it usually ended up on the stepstool in the kitchen)

3) Daily Bible reading. Although, I think I am ahead. There was no time this morning. I WAY overslept! A personal best though, I got up and showered, dressed, drove to work, AND got to my desk in 1 hour and 20 minutes. I was only five minutes late (Usually, I can spend 3+ hours doing all that and be 15mins, give or take late). I have to say, I impressed myself. Now let’s see if we can do it again, WITHOUT oversleeping.

4) Use the timer Stephen bought me to do 15mins of something in the kitchen. Probably get the dishes I washed last week out of the dishwasher where they were drying, put them away and wash some more.

5) Can’t forget the trash

6) Maybe something else………….dunno

Big plans for tonight. I really need to pray first and get God involved; otherwise, I will end up back at Procrastination Station!

God bless all

******************************************************

YEAH!

I did get my stamps and garbage bags. It’s 11:15p and I am waiting on the dryer so I can put sheets back on my bed. I used the timer to spend 15mins getting some clutter cleared in the kitchen. There was a box of coffee (tea cups) on the floor full of cups and I FINALLY put them away (you DO NOT need to know how long they have been sitting there). I CAN REACH THE CABINET WHERE THE PLATES AND CUPS AND BOWLS AND ALL BELONG WITHOUT CLIMBING OVER THINGS OR LEANING REAL FAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!WOOHOOO! I am about to take out the trash, there isn’t much. I have to say, accomplishing something, especially something you have been avoiding as long as I have been avoiding all this, really does feel good. It puts you on a “I want to conquer the world” high. So far, that high has not lasted very long as I have reached it, but I can feel it strengthening. And, it builds my confidence that, with God, I can do anything, I can actually get this place cleaned up! And, I SO want to use my house to serve God. Anyway………………………………..

Good night!

P.S. Bonnie and Kent, have a blessed day on Tuesday Oct 9. We are all looking forward to hearing when she makes her debut (I forgot the baby’s name). All of you will be in our thoughts and prayers on this auspicious day!

Buying a car is definitively a learning experience. As is this whole thing about trying to learn how to be accountable and responsible and all that. (Yes, I have been able to get away with not having a whole lot of great issues of responsibility for all these years…….Sorry to say.) And, one thing I learned (AGAIN) this morning, is procrastination sucks (excuse my french). Went to the DMV to get a title for my new car. It’s Saturday and the DMV is open until 8a-12p. I made the mistake of showing up at about 11a………………..And the line was PRACTICALLY OUT THE DOOR! And, I thought, this is why I “meant” to go @9a. Good intentions get us real far, especially if we do not act on them. Then, when I finally got to the counter, they gave me a form to fill out and I had no idea what half of it was asking for. So, I left with the form and I will get help filling it out and go back one day this week. I did do part of my daily Bible reading while standing in line. And, I just finished the rest.

As far as what I will accomplish this weekend, that depends on getting the old car cleaned out and off my insurance. However, that takes place. But, I did find out from a neighbor, that I have to have an HVAC inspection by the end of Oct for the condo people here. (If you don’t know what that means ask Mike Fisher) I will get them to check the dishwasher and tell me if I need a new one. I will also get them to change the filter in my furnace (I was supposed to do that MONTHS ago). But, I do have to get some semblance of order in my house before I get them here to inspect. So, priorities for this week, the cars. And, priorities for this month, the inspection. I also need the form for them to fill out for the inspection.

Anyway, off to work on the old car……………..God bless all